xo.

you really can never have everything. you can only choose one or the other. both is never an option. i guess i’ll just try and enjoy this before it’s over, because let’s be honest- nothing lasts forever.

no complaints on my part though. i’m willing to be ignorant if it gives me happiness.

i just don’t care anymore.

i just don’t care.

11 months ago with 0 notes

life is just so much better with positive energy in you. everything is happy when you’re happy. smiling on the inside is kinda a new found addiction to me. so much healing is happening.

summer 2012 - don’t disappoint me. 

11 months ago with 0 notes

we’re definitely not at all like we used to be. without over exaggerating at all, i can say it’s getting worse every day. i always hope one day we’ll be alright, but i’ve learned to be a realist. i know i’ve never been good enough- wait. i know i’ve never been good. i don’t think you’ve ever been proud to call me yours. i don’t think you’ve ever been proud of me at all. as messed up as it sounds, i know you love me just a little somewhere on the inside even though you hate me. i’ll make you proud one day, i promise. i won’t give up.

happy father’s day. 

11 months ago with 0 notes

every day is a new struggle. new hardships, new pain. old memories all in vain. i’d be lying if i said i don’t hurt anymore. i’d be lying if i said i don’t care anymore.

11 months ago with 1 note

i need to stop dreaming about you.

11 months ago with 0 notes

fuck that new girl that you like so bad

she’s not crazy like me I bet you like that

12 months ago with 0 notes

I refuse to let you break me.

12 months ago with 0 notes

lalalalala keep up your pms’ing now biiitch, you’re going to regret it. :)

1 year ago with 0 notes

Early morning sadness.

As I lay in bed, unable to channel my thoughts on anything but life’s uncertainties, I think of how far I’ve gone to stop hurting.

I’ve struggled with depression since grade 7. For the past three years of my life, I’ve gone through mainly two phases: finding myself and losing myself.

I’ve tried everything to make me feel better, or worse. Over excessive drinking, self harming, talking to people about it. But somehow I’ve only been able to stay happy and healthy for around a month and a half.

Today I’m going to make myself a promise. I’m going to get better.

I’ve come to a point where I’ve realized happiness is truly an internal emotion. No matter how much I drink away my sadness, cut away my pain, or talk out my frustration it has never been enough. Every time I’ve cut I’ve gone further each time, it has never been enough.

I’m sick of not being happy. I’m sick of scars all over me. I’m sick of not being able to sleep off the tiredness I have.

I’ve realized that I need to disconnect for a while. No more Facebook and no more texting. I’ve realized that before I keep shutting myself down because I can’t make others happy with me, I need to be happy with myself.

In the past week I’ve gone from the state of a sad 15 year old girl wearing a fake smile to a girl who looks in the mirror and sees a face she can’t identify with and a personality she’d rather burn to a deeply conflicted girl who can’t sleep because of all the crying she’s been doing.

I’m going to change.

I’m going to be a girl who doesn’t have to wear a mask of happiness. No more facades, no more faking. I want to introduce people to the real me.

Today is May 19th, 2012.
Today is when I get better.
Today is now.

1 year ago with 0 notes

no words can explain the sadness I truly feel.

fuck this.

1 year ago with 0 notes

there comes a point in life where no matter what you try, who you talk to, or what you believe in, being happy is just an unreachable goal.

i need to pick myself up again.

1 year ago with 0 notes